PARENTING IN THE 21ST CENTURY (PART 2)

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What I have come to see is that no parent exhibits only one parenting style over a period of raising their kids. There is a probability that depending on the prevalent situation, you have displayed either one, a mix or all four styles of parenting. Its funny that parenting styles can even be observed with children’s eating habits, study habits and general wellbeing.

AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING:

This is regarded as the ideal style of parenting. It is one where the parent is the final decision maker however, there are inputs from the child and the opinion of children are considered but may not be the final.

 Authoritative parents are well involved in the life of their children and guide them into adulthood as secure members of the society.

 Recently, I found out that in raising confident children, you as a parent must know that the children will test that confidence with you at home. Authoritative parenting entails setting up boundaries with established consequences for negative behaviour.

 I often try to establish this with my kids but I tell you its not easy. I tried this with my 5year old and a funny scenario ensued. I was cooking in the kitchen while her elder brother had some online classes. I understand that she often likes to come and check me in the kitchen but with most children silence can mean a storm is brewing. By the time she appeared, her face, hands and feet where covered in powder. So we had the following talk on consequences.

Mummy: Hey P, what happened to your face? (Proceeds to see scan the area)

P: I just wanted to rub the powder grandma left me.

Mummy: Did you ask me?

P: Shakes her head no

Mummy: So, what do you think is a suitable consequence of your action?

P: Hmm, Mummy wait, Okay, I will apologise and you will forgive.

At this point, there was not going to be any because I had burst out laughing.

Children understand what you teach and can apply what is taught overtime.

AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING:

This is like a military set up. The rules may not be clearly spelt out but the punishments are established. These parents have their way, make decisions without getting any opinion of the child and punish behaviour accordingly. The children will do everything well but end up as people pleasers who cannot take initiative to do things. They are scared to express their thoughts and follow the rules to the later. However in future, this may display as trauma in the form of rebellion and going against every rule their parent had set up.

  LAISSEZ-FAIRE  : This is also akin to permissive style of parenting. These parents are really not pressured to make decisions for their children but they allow their kids make decisions on any area of their life. While this children are very confident and self assured early on in life, they may make poor choices that the parent will be forced to correct. Children need guidance in some areas of life. While we will not want them to be solely dependent on us as parents, parents should be actively involved but giving room to the children to do somethings and facing the consequences of their decisions.

NEGLECTFUL PARENTING: These parents do not do beyond provision of he child’s basic needs. Some may not even bother about the basic needs but do the bare minimum. Some of the children are left to care for themselves and the older one may be left to parent the younger ones. This may result in a lot of trauma for the children which is why some are very independent very early on in life and may project an image of not needing anyone.

It can be agreed that most parents parent in the way they were parented or opposite. We may want to avoid the things our parents did and fall at the other extreme.

To effectively parent, I have learned that it is important to reflect on what your experience was, own up to it and get the resources or training to do better. Parenting is a continuing journey and the best decision to make is never to give up on doing better.